Well OK, I went surfing the internet, to see if I could get the low-down on Communism... You know, to see who was the most advanced communist society... which form was the best, or, at least, which one worked. And, guess what? All of the fucking web sites are run by Republicans!
I don't even think there are any Communists (maybe there never were) - just a bunch of right-wing dick wads!
But, guess what else?
I discovered 'Smurf Comminism'. Check this out:
(Shit, man, just Google 'smurf communism' and rock out with your cock out!)
The bottom-line: Communism is up for grabs! So, let's grab it. It's a pretty good concept, and there are mountains of literature to keep the suckers distracted. And, all that'sharing' and'caring' brings a tear to me old mother's eye... Communism is just as sweet as chocolate pudding... You know, there are evil men out there who want to take away everything you have. They want to sell your children into slavery, and fuck your sister. They want to sleep in your bed and eat your porridge...
Goddammit, doesn't that just piss you off?
It's really great stuff. Plus, the capitalists are scared shitless of it. "Oh God, it's worse than socialism!"
The Smurfs' community generally takes the form of a cooperative, sharing, and kind environment based on the principle that each Smurf has something he or she is good at, and thus contributes it to Smurf society as he or she can. In return, each Smurf appears to be given their necessities of life, from housing and clothes to food without using any money in exchange.
I think everybody can get behind that...
Are the Smurfs really Communists? The Smurfs all dress the same, follow a man with a beard (like Karl Marx), share the benefits of their labor - and they've even eschewed money! The Smurf society includes many of the idealized lifestyle attributes that define the core of Communism: a classless society where the inherent power disparity between property owners and laborers does not exist. Indeed, the Smurfs do live that dream lifestyle - everyone is equal, everyone shares, and everyone enjoys the benefits of the Smurf society's collective labor.
Communist theory states, "from each, according to his ability, to each according to his need." What this means is that everyone should work as well as they can to their full capacity, and in turn be rewarded as much as they need. According to Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels, Communism can only be achieved after first experiencing Socialism, which includes a violent uprising, the upper classes getting decimated, and a strong leader being placed into power.
Socialism is the required first step that must occur before Communism can take place. A powerful leader rules under Socialism - Papa Smurf clearly represents Marx's idea of the "strong leader" (Papa Smurf even has Marx's beard!) Some say that the word SMURF actually means "Socialist Men Under a Red Father"! Eventually, a "perfect system" is put in place under Communism whereby the proletariat (workers) rule themselves, ensuring equality for everyone. Perhaps Papa Smurf's strong leadership role means that the Smurfs are not fully Communist yet. However, evidence is strong that the Smurfs lead a Communistic or Socialist lifestyle:
- Each Smurf wears the exact same outfit
- The Smurf leader is a wise and powerful man who wields unquestioned power and authority
- There is no system of currency or monetary remediation
- The Smurfs often eat at a communal table
- No religious Smurfs
- The "la la la la la la" Smurf chant is sung by all, no matter whom
- Their sworn enemy, Gargamel, is obsessed with turning the Smurfs into gold
There it is, there. Now you've got a 'movement' based on solid Marxist theory. Ready to take over the world.
Doesn't it make you feel all warm and cuddly?
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